A blog before this, I wrote a piece on the POWER OF TWO, click here to go back to it.
Since we all now know the importance of being in one accord with your spouse, I would like to talk about some of the things that causes disharmony between husband and wife. Some of these things are even strong enough to break homes and cause divorces. Read on and find out why love fails…
WHAT IS LOVE?
Love is fondness for someone; a deep affection for someone or something; to love is to take delight in a person; when you love someone, that person makes your heart sweet – that’s why we call them ‘Sweethearts’. You don’t trample on, abuse or toy with something or someone you cherish, and the simplest form of love is likeness.
Now, if love is so sweet and deep, why do marriages fail? Why does a thing as wonderful as love fail? What are those things that cause the breakdown or failure of a once love-filled relationship?!
1. Haste/Hurry: Love must suffer long. True love is patient (see I Cor. 13:4a). Being in a hurry ejects love out of one’s heart. So if you’re impatient because he isn’t able to buy you that purse yet; you are gradually pushing love away.
2. Envy: Envy is the inability to be happy/rejoice at someone else’s upliftment/promotion. Most partners are in a competition. You’d be amazed at the number of husbands that are envious that their wives are doing better than them! If your wife earns more money, what’s the cause for envy? What belongs to you, belongs to her and vice-versa! Your partner’s success is your success.
3. Pride: Pride of the heart (e.g. not being able to apologise) and pride of the eyes (e.g. looking at your partner as inferior, unimportant or with contempt); both punctures and kills love fast! Yes! You’ll hear some men/women saying “I picked you from the gutter… bla… bla… more blah!” Let’s assume you truly picked her from the gutters, that’s no longer news… who exactly are you trying to remind?
Not being able to say “I’m sorry” has become a recurring habit between couples these days. Remember this, Proverbs 16:18 – Pride goeth before destruction, And a haughty spirit before a fall. Yeah, that’s you they are referring to there; pride and haughtiness does not come without a price – destruction and downfall of your marriage is that price.
4. Rudeness: What we all ignore is that when you’re rude to your partner, he/she seeks comfort and respect from external sources e.g. secretaries that can say ‘Yes Sir’ from now till kingdom come! Your incapability of being humble and polite drives your husband away to women out there that will receive with open arms waiting! The worst case of rudeness is that lack of respect in front of family and friends. Husbands, beware of this! Embarrassing and disgracing your wife in the presence of your family members and friends is very wrong – you are emotionally and mentally abusing her.
5. Self-centeredness: “Me, Myself and I” does not exist in love. True love entails thinking of the other person more than yourself. Do not bring ego into your marriage. Do not be limited to or caring only about yourself and your own needs; because every decision you make affects the entire family.
6. Anger: — kills love. Love is not easily provoked. Love does not beat up his beloved. Physical, verbal, emotional, mental abuse are not a part of love. Once all that starts happening… love is no longer present in that relationship, and neither is God! And if you’re that spouse that gets angry easily? I have word for you – Eccl. 7: 9 Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry; for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.
7. Evil thoughts: Many of us do not know that what you think of your spouse who is far away will most likely happen to him/her; something like telepathy. If you start wondering too much that your partner is cheating on you wherever he/she is, that kind of atmosphere can be created around him/her as a result of your thoughts. Evil and nasty thoughts is likely to put spouse in evil and nasty situation!
At the end, things that help love then are patience, kindness, rejoicing and celebrating with your winning/progressing partner, humility, respect, selflessness/sacrifice, endurance/long-suffering and good thinking.
God bless you, God bless your marriage!